I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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