If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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