Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Randomize
