Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Randomize
