You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
