Can i not drive my cunt home
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
