Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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