I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
