The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
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Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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