Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
it was like having sex with a tree stump
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize
