Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
They took my balls.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
3 2 1 whiskey
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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