Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
barbara walters just said penis...
it was like eating out sand paper
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
