i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
