hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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