it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
