the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Randomize
