Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
