DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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