Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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