how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Randomize
