all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
