u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
