If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
