mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
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