Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
