I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
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To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
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This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
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