I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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