Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
