oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
