I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize