I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
