i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
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I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
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She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
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