Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
