ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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