woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
