Midget sex pt 2 tonight
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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