Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
