Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
