everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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