I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
