Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
