No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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