he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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