Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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