i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
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I think I have vodka in my lungs
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
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If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
MIDGETS
????
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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