I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
