Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
