just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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