Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Randomize
