covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize