woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
