normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
