My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
