it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
