You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
