If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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