Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize