His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
