I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
