And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
