Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize