He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
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There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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