When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
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My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
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Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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