I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
