I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
