you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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