This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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