Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Randomize
