So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
