I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
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