'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
