If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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