Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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