I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
She made me pour olive oil on her.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
