hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
