If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
