my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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