how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
