I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
The beers last night were like the tears from god
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
