Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
