Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
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I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
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She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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