My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
