So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize